OP-ED: I’ve Been President Three Times and All I Get Is a Piece of Grass?!

RAWLINGS GREEN— So today is the final day that I’m going to be President of Cornell. Believe it or not, I’ve had this exact same thought twice before. It’s been a great three rides and an incredible experience being able to lead such a wonderful University, but even after all I have given to Cornell the only thing I have named after me is a patch of grass on North Campus.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not looking for a building in prime real estate like the Arts Quad, but the best you can do for the man who has bailed Cornell out twice now is a piece of lawn that freshmen trample over while trying to get to the gym? C’mon.

I don’t think this is a crazy ask. No one has been President of Cornell more times than I have. Remember all those times I’ve guided our campus through controversy and conflict? For someone who has given so much to Cornell, and come out of retirement TWICE, I think I deserve a little more than to have a Canada Goose meeting ground named after me.

How about a building? An auditorium? An award? Heck, I’ll even take a bench in the Botanical Gardens. But the fact that the only thing dedicated to the three-time President of Cornell is a grassy knoll no one sees after their first year is a disgrace.

President Rawlings Seeks Résumé Critique at Career Services

BARNES HALL — Preparing for his re-entry into the unemployment pool this summer, President Rawlings solicited a member of career services to critique his résumé.

“Now that I’ll be looking for a job again, I thought it would be best for someone to make sure everything is up to date and correctly formatted,” said President Rawlings as he entered the service center.

The career specialist looked at Rawlings’ résumé and noticed several glaring weaknesses, specifically with his job history and age.

“It looks like this is the third time you’ve been let go at this position, you will to have to be prepared to explain that to employers. You should also try to develop some technical skills other than sending mass emails, that would really help you compete with younger applicants who are fresh out of their first presidency position,” said the career services worker.

Despite the several deficiencies apparent in his work experiences, Rawlings hopes that Cornell’s name will be enough to get him a job before inauguration.