Tag Archives: Pollack

New Greek Life Rules Say Hazing Can Only Occur in Annexes

DAY HALL—The Cornell administration released sweeping new restrictions on Greek life featuring a rule that bans hazing inside of residential chapter houses, but would probably let that stuff slide in annexes. “I understand that there is a deep and storied history of new member education in Greek houses, but this Read More

BREAKING: The Code Martha Pollack Will Run for Her Speech Just Leaked

while( speech_is_not_finished ) {         read_speech(); } if( asked_question ) {         if( question == “are you a robot?”)         {                 no();         }         else         {                 smile_and_laugh();         } } leave_immediately_and_recharge_battery();

Student Who Bleeds Big Red Sadly Returns Latest Nike Shoes

Philadelphia, PA—Following President Martha Pollack’s decision to terminate Cornell’s licensing relationship with Nike, Big Red superfan Matthew Walker ’19 sadly returned his recently purchased Nike flyknit shoes. “It’s hard to give up the freshest, most form-fitting shoes I’ve ever worn,” Walker admitted dejectedly, “but as a Cornellian through and through, Read More

Martha E. Pollack Welcome Party Clearly Planned With Someone Else in Mind

WILLARD STRAIGHT — Following invitations to ‘Celebrate our next female president,’ the Cornell Democrats’ welcome party for Cornell’s newly announced 14th president Martha E. Pollack seems planned with someone else clearly in mind. “A lifelong fighter for children and families, from her time at Wellesley College in the 1960s to Read More