Nooz Staff March 30, 2021

President Pollack Takes The Strong Position That A Graduation Would Sure Be Nice

DAY HALL—In yet another email to the Cornell community this Tuesday afternoon, President Martha Pollack reiterated her firmly held view that an in-person graduation ceremony would, all things being equal, in theory, be preferable to a virtual graduation event. “I know I might catch some flack for this controversial opinion, but I couldn’t stay silent any longer,” Pollack’s statement began.

“In this time of renewed hope tempered by cautious uncertainty, our administration understands that seniors are seeking substantive information about their graduation,” Pollack continued. “That is why I am overjoyed to give them the clarity they desire with regards to my personal conception of the ideal state of affairs. Please feel free to factor my non-committal preference into your travel plans and moving arrangements. You’re welcome, kids.” 

Pollack continued by pointing out that college graduations are important rites of passage that transfer poorly to online formats. She also assured the student body, faculty, and staff, that she was “totally sorry” and “actually felt really bad” after cancelling the previously postponed Class of 2020 celebration in February, because “nine months just wasn’t enough time to plan.” 

Pollack’s email concluded with an invitation for seniors to “sit pat and hope for the best.”

 

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