Pollack Rejects Code of Conduct Compromise Because She ‘Doesn’t Know What Bifurcated Means’

DAY HALL—Shortly after vetoing the University Assembly Codes and Judicial Committee’s recommended changes to the Student Code of Conduct, Martha Pollack explained her rationale, admitting she had no idea what a “bifurcated system of evidentiary standards” was. 

“I’m the President of Cornell, and that means I’m very smart. Therefore, if I don’t understand something it must be extremely complicated. The implementation of complicated things, frankly, is infeasible. That’s why I had to say no to the CJC’s new proposal,” said Pollack in an email to Professor Robert Howarth, Chair of The University Assembly.

In addition to confusion about the “bifurcated” nature of the system, Pollack also expressed puzzlement as to how evidence could “preponder” and outright bewilderment at the idea that proof itself could carry a burden. 

“Another problem is that there are way too many entities involved in this decision making process for me to keep track of,” added Pollack. “If I’m understanding correctly, in addition to University lawyers and administrative boards, we also have an OSA, a CJC, an OJA, a UA, and I think someone mentioned that we now have a PCP? We need to cut down on all of those so I can really get a grip on how we are going to decide who the bad boys and girls are.”

After her final expression of her general state of incertitude, Pollack clarified at the tail end of her email that none of her decision making was in any way connected with the concerns of the student body. “I’m too busy trying to decipher what all these legalistic and procedural terms are while simultaneously advancing investors’ interests over at IBM. I can’t be bothered to read some sophomore’s opinion column in the Daily Sun or whatever,” concluded Pollack


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