Tag Archives: Campus

Cornell Health to Renew Double Diamond Subscription to WebMD for Fiscal Year 2020

HO PLAZA—Cornell administrators announced Wednesday morning that the university will be renewing Cornell Health’s premium subscription to WebMD for next year. The online, publicly available health reference service has been the staff’s primary diagnostic tool for many years, according to university officials. “Well, we can’t exactly ask the licensed staff Read More

Inflammatory Bowel Research Center Full of Shit

WEILL COLLEGE OF MEDICINE — A steaming report by the university’s Office of Research Integrity and Assurance found that the Jill Roberts Center for Inflammatory Bowel Disease has been spewing crap for years. “We knew something stank in that institute,” said Juliet McCaughlin, Cornell’s ethics investigator. “As it turns out, Read More

Forty-Five-Year-Old Alum Feeling Real Bold in Daily Sun Comment Section

BLOOMINGTON, IN– After reading a Cornell Daily Sun article that he did not agree with, 45-year-old alum David Waller ‘96 dauntlessly decided to express his discontent in the publication’s comment section. Turning on the caps button on his keyboard, Waller lamented  his alma mater’s fall from grace when it comes Read More

Cornell Bike Share Offers Students New Opportunity To Screw Up Traffic

TOWER ROAD—Now available for sluggishly pedalling uphill with six cars following behind, Cornell Big Red Bikes offers students a new opportunity to screw up traffic. “Cornell is huge, so it’s a relief to finally be able to bike across campus with no regard for drivers or pedestrians,” said campus bicyclist Read More