Tag Archives: Sad

Small Bag of Free Popcorn Only Thing Keeping Majority of Students Going

WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—A new study has concluded that the only thing keeping most Cornell students going each day is getting a small bag of free popcorn from Willard Straight Hall. “Our research indicates that without the prospect of shuffling over to Willard Straight Hall to eat a fist-sized bag of Read More

Report: 10:10 Lecture Fills Up Too Quickly and Oh Boo Hoo You Sad Fucks

STUDENT CENTER — Thousands of members of the class of 2020 attempted to enroll in the 10:10 lecture of Introductory Macroeconomics this morning, however they found it filled up too quickly and oh boo hoo you sad fucks, you didn’t get a class you wanted. “Now that I’ve been locked Read More