Administration Pretty Stoked Everybody Seems to Have Forgotten About Health Fee

DAY HALL – Today, over a year and a half since the Gannett Health Fee was enacted, reports indicate that the university administrators are pretty stoked that everybody seems to have outright forgotten about the fee, which at the time incited anger and protests from students opposed to the unnecessary bursar charge.

“Nobody is really bothering us about it anymore, which frankly is awesome because it was so darn stressful last year,” said senior administrator Jane Miller, now much more comfortable sitting in her office with no student sit-ins, as well as enjoying a steady profit from the health fee.

“We were all pretty nervous there for a few weeks! But all the fuss and commotion died down sure enough, and now you don’t even hear students talk about it in passing anymore! They just keep quiet and pay the fee.”

With ample breathing room, the administration plans to meet in the coming weeks to discuss whether or not it would be possible to slip in any other arbitrary fees into tuition bills, with a representative telling reporters “it worked out the first time, so why wouldn’t it work again?”

Senior Unaffected by Healthcare Fee Still “Down to Riot”

HO PLAZA — Senior Nathaniel Morrison will never have to pay the new Student Healthcare Fee, but nonetheless indicated today that he would be “down to riot.”

Last Thursday night, President Skorton introduced a new $350 health care fee for students not on the Student Health Insurance Plan (SHIP) designed to improve access to Gannett for students across the board. The fee has been met with widespread student resistance and protests are scheduled for the coming week.

“I mean yeah, I may not have to ever actually pay the fee, but I’m totally game for like a riot or something. Senior spring has been really boring so far,” explained Morrison. Morrison intends to attend the student protest on Monday afternoon, searching for the slightest provocation to “straight up introduce anarchy.”