GULF OF MEXICO—Since his return to office, President Donald Trump has issued dozens of executive orders, demanding everything from the end of birthright citizenship to withdrawal from various international agreements. On Friday, the President took things a step further, signing an order entitled “Protecting America From Invasion By Meddling Foreign Drafts and Moistures”, which aims…
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—Frank Rosen ‘25 delivered a speech to an emergency session of the Student Assembly regarding the calamitous prelim grade dropped on a Cornell sophomore earlier today. “Today, December 7, 2024—a date which will live in infamy—Eddie Kimmel ‘27 was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the TAs and professor of MATH 2130. “Kimmel was…
ITHACA, NY—Tuesday’s election exposed a number of shortcomings in Republican incumbent Marc Molinaro (5’7”) when he fell short of being reelected by a number of votes and inches. Noted DC insider Josh Riley (6’7”) ran a successful campaign that rose above partisan differences, and Marc Molinaro (5’6”). “I wasn’t originally going to vote for Riley…
WASHINGTON, DC—A nationwide lurch to the right has secured a second term for former president Donald Trump. Suburban swing voters like homemaker Brittney White of Doylestown, Pennsylvania, were an important part of Trump’s winning coalition. White, who voted for President Biden in 2020, explained that although Trump has promised to govern as “a dictator,” the…
As the wife of a former president who favors a national abortion ban, many people assume I am pro-life. Yet, before the Donald was president, I was simply the 3rd wife to an aging billionaire with terrible cholesterol and the mother to a scary blond swamp monster. When my son was born, I was grateful…
