October 4, 2015

Serpent Giving Out Free Apples During Ithaca Applefest

applesnake

ITHACA COMMONS — During this year’s local celebration of the fall harvest, a talking snake was spotted distributing his own share of free apples, tail-picked straight from the Tree of Knowledge.

“Here, try one of these. They’re locally grown, just from the Garden of Eden, up in Lansing” said the Prince of Darkness in his earthly camouflage, bent on shrouding the world in fire and brimstone. “This one’s covered in caramel and nuts.”

When asked for a comment, the Lord of the Flies hissed, “Apples are great for mortals of all ages. They’re full of vitamin C, fiber, and an acute sense of carnal knowledge.”

The Accuser added, “These aren’t your ordinary apples. When you first bite into them, you’ll get a hit of immense shame and guilt for bringing Death and Sin upon Paradise, but then there’s a sweet, unmistakably tart aftertaste.”

Samplers of the Fallen Angel’s produce left the festival satisfied with a full stomach and immense relief that they were already wearing garments that covered their nether regions.

Like This!