The recent news exposing a grotesque “pig roast” run by the Zeta Beta Tau fraternity casts a solemn shadow over Cornell University, as well as the success of my annual Family Pig Roast. My event has been a staple in the Ithaca community for years now. We get loads of old fashioned home cooking, along…
Collegetown is one of the biggest perks of spending 4 years above Cayuga’s Waters, offering incredibly diverse culinary experiences. We sent a writer out to determine, once and for all, which eatery is the true champion of the hungry student. CTB: Absolute let down. I was so excited to try the place EVERYONE talks about,…
CORNELL HEALTH—On Wednesday, Cornell Health officials released a statement to the university suggesting that students contract flu now to get it out of their system before prelim season. “We just think that you might as well get that out of your way before the semester really picks up,” says Kathy Grammer, Cornell Health official. “I…
…Sports? 1. The Superbowl Was Fine, But What Was Up With That Lukewarm Guacamole, Sharon? 2. Justin Timberlake Fails To Bring Timber And/Or Lakes To His Performance 3. How About Those Superbowl Passes and Touchdowns and Whatnot? 4. Horny Students Disappointed Over the Lack of Janet Jackson Nipples 5. Hungry Babies Disappointed Over the Lack…
Photo from Cornell University Program Board BAILEY HALL—Tantalized by the guaranteed crowds of women, Richard March ‘19 snagged a ticket to attend #MeToo founder Tarana Burke’s talk in Bailey Hall. “Yeah, I’m pretty good at predicting these things, and there’ll be loads of ladies just waiting for me,” said March. “I grabbed a tic—that’s short…
WEST CAMPUS—Following revelations that a campus fraternity conducted a contest in which new members racked up points based on having sexual intercourse, Cornell fraternities are starting to worry they might not be seen as models of tolerance and respect on campus. “I’ve always thought of us as pioneers when it comes to promoting open-mindedness and…
ALPHA SIGMA SIGMA—In response to hate crimes committed by members of fraternities last semester, progressive frat Alpha Sigma Sigma has taken steps to ensure that during their pledging process, the only ones being hazed are white boys. “We plan to deprive these pledges of their right to fair and equal education and while we’re at…
SOUTH BEND, INDIANA—After reading some articles about January’s armed robberies across Ithaca, my mom is reportedly pretty afraid that the thief may threaten my safety at Cornell. “Hey, I’m checking in to make sure you’re doing okay,” my mom texted me last Sunday, presumably worried that the criminal may break into my apartment and attempt…
RAND HALL—After two years of covering the broken window in Rand Hall with a tarp, Cornell AAP recently announced their plan to patch the hole with a fine arts library. “We thought the best solution to the constant airflow seeping through the building’s tarp would be to build a cutting edge fine arts library,” said…
THURSTON AVENUE—Cornell Panhellenic has announced the addition of a 14th chapter for students who are looking to join a sorority, but terminate their membership after a year. “I am very interested because I have always wanted to live in a fancy house, but ditch before I have to drown myself in paint and glitter to…
