Nooz Staff February 12, 2018

OP-ED: I Guess No One is Coming to My Actual Pig Roast Now

The recent news exposing a grotesque “pig roast” run by the Zeta Beta Tau fraternity casts a solemn shadow over Cornell University, as well as the success of my annual Family Pig Roast.

My event has been a staple in the Ithaca community for years now. We get loads of old fashioned home cooking, along with rides and games to ensure fun for people of all ages. And the best part is that all the proceeds go to charity! I only do this to share the most succulent roasted pork you can get your hands on east of the Mississippi. And now, it looks like the years of spreading my grand-pappy’s famous recipe are all over because of some misogynistic frat boys.

I throw this thing every year and it takes months of hard work and planning. Only a week ago, I got the confirmation that all my permits were ready. I had to expand to Stewart Park this year because the event had become so popular! I even drove 2 hours to a local farm to check the boar out myself. He looked like he was going to be one for the ages! Unfortunately, I don’t think anyone in this town will be willing to step foot near anything that remotely sounds like a pig roast for good while. I suppose you can add my joyous celebration of swine delights as another item on the long list of reasons for reform within the Greek community.

Like This!