ITHACA, NY and EDUCATION CITY, QATAR—Amid controversies surrounding the 2022 World Cup, Cornell University President Martha Pollack defended the university’s Weill Cornell Medicine-Qatar satellite campus.
Hailing the Gulf state as “the world’s most progressive petro-monarchy,” Pollack appealed to Cornell’s values. “In the words of our founder, we will always strive to do the greatest good. In accordance with this mission, we ensured that the construction of our Qatar campus involved fewer than 2,000 migrant workers, with only sixty deaths. And these corpses hailed from disadvantaged countries all over the world—truly a shining example of our commitment to diversity and inclusion.”
Pollack also addressed the civil liberties Wahhabist absolute monarchies are known for. “Cornell University has a long record of standing up for free speech and other cherished rights. Students at our Qatar campus enjoy the same freedoms as those in Ithaca or New York City. We wouldn’t have it any other way. Now, if they step off campus—well, that’s not really our problem, now, is it?”
She concluded on a positive note. “I understand the concerns about our partnership with the Qatar Foundation. But Cornell University will work with anyone who shares our mission of helping communities and individuals expand horizons and improve lives, regardless of prior or ongoing human rights abuses. Weill Cornell Medicine-Qatar empowers students to broaden their global perspective—its very foundation contains human remains from six different countries! We believe the opportunities this campus brings to both our students and the locals are well worth the slave labor—so long as you only reference the official death count.”
In accordance with Qatar’s Male Guardianship Law, Pollack could not release the statement until her husband approved it and ensured it did not promote immoral activities.