HO PLAZA—Celebrations that Cornell abolished its physical education requirement were short lived amid the university’s announcement that it would be extending the clock tower detour as a replacement. The new detour spans several miles and even requires walking up the slope.
When pressed about their decision to extend the detour, Cornell officials explained that the previous detour “was not rigorous enough” and that it was “embarrassing students couldn’t handle walking an extra 10 feet to go around the clock tower”.
Some students were taken aback by the new detour, which seeks to emulate a real physical education class: “There were people threatening to make us run laps,” said Katarina Christianus ‘24. “I was making my way up the slope when all of the sudden a middle aged man in athleisure started screaming ‘Move it or lose it, ladies!’.” Christianus claims she speaks for all students when she says she “would really like to go back to the Helen Newman basement, please.”
Other students who thought they schemed their way out of introductory swimming were horrified at the lochness monster in the lagoon spanning the second part of the detour. Charlotte Melle ‘25 described her commute to Milstein Hall as “The saddest, least athletic triathlon recorded in modern history.”
Though students are obviously unhappy with the recent changes, officials are thrilled to remind students the clock tour detour is only temporary, the normal route through Ho Plaza will be reinstated when the construction is completed in 2-50 years.
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