Hotelie Couple Fluffs Pillows, Dusts Headboard Before Having Sex

STATLER HOTEL—Three things in life are certain: death, taxes, and a Hotelie informing unsuspecting, regular people of their “major” completely unprompted. One pair of hotel students has taken this fact to a new level, rethinking the societal norm of oversharing.

“We like to practice our craft in interesting ways; just last week I organized my laundry by color, and tomorrow afternoon I plan on washing my dishes using the green Dawn dish soap,” said Sasha Drake ‘25. “Preparing our bed to the highest standard is simply another way my boyfriend and I like to ‘learn where we are.’”

Drake and her boyfriend, Keyon Michaels ‘25, have dedicated themselves to a life of service that extends far beyond concierge and valet services.

“Our dedication to hotel management doesn’t stop at the headboard,” Michaels said. “During the act, she likes to call me ‘waiter,’ and I respond with ‘What would you like for today?’ Then, I grab the menu that we keep on our nightstand, and well, you know the rest.”

Critics of the couple’s activities-and the openness with which they share them-frown upon their sex life. Drake and Michaels, however, are adamant that their decisions to fold napkins as foreplay and wear Spirit Halloween bellhop and chef costumes to bed twice a week aren’t weird at all.

“In our opinion, this is all completely normal. English majors say words during sex and psychology majors feel things,” Drake said. “So, why is it some big deal that we like to buss each other’s tables and wipe down each other’s backs with Clorox wipes to finish?”

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