Girl on First Date Worried if Taking Her Mask Off is Too Forward

IITHACA COMMONS—Wary of coming across as desperate on a first date, local single Jimena Perez ’21 was unsure if removing her mask would be too bold.

“I feel like I have to walk on eggshells when meeting a guy for the first time,” sighed Perez. “To be honest, I’d be perfectly fine skipping all the small talk. But at the same time, I don’t mind taking it slow.”

“I hate the whole double standard thing. Maybe I’m just old fashioned but I kind of like it when the guy asks me to remove my mask,” said Perez’s friend Katie O’Connor ’22. “But if Jimena wants to take her mask off, fucking go get it girl,” added O’Connor.

Perez ultimately decided against removing her mask, citing her desire to play coy with her droplets. At press time, Perez’s male counterpart was overheard asking her, “So do you want to come over to my place now and hookup or something?”

Bold Champion of Health and Safety Gives Courageous Glare to No-Masker

HO PLAZA—Hoda Dabiri ‘23 took a fearless stand in the name of health and wellness when she lightly furrowed her brow at a mask-less passerby while walking to her only in-person class this Thursday.

“I definitely considered saying something, but I decided against it,” said the breathless defender of the campus community. “Instead I just sorta squinted my eyes to let them know that I strongly disapprove.”

The forceful message was entirely lost on the no-masked student, who could not distinguish any change in expression from behind Dabiri’s face mask and sunglasses.

“Oh, she glared at me? I didn’t even notice,” responded Justin Cold ‘24 . “If she had just reminded out loud me to put my mask on, I probably would have done it.”

Following the incident, Dabiri took a well-deserved break from being on the vanguard of the pandemic response by scrolling through Instagram and passively judging all her friends that posted pictures in a group without masks.