DONLON HALL—Many students look back on their freshman roommates fondly, with memories of smiles, shenanigans, and stressful study weeks where they realize they’d rather room with someone else. However, serial-smoker Max Monroe ‘28 found that his roommate’s vibe was grumpier than he expected. The pair had gotten along well online, but during move-in day, everything…
LINCOLN HALL—Fall semester is a time of change for many students looking to abandon their old personalities like a shriveled, molted skin. For Mikey Linderman ‘27, this meant leaving behind his bonk-honking band family for a new hum-bumming a cappella family. “When I was a freshman, I was enticed by those seductive bing-bongs and wump-wumps,…
410 EDDY ST— Just won a goldfish from the State Fair, but don’t have anywhere to put it? Was the fish you brought from home evicted from its luxurious >10 gallon tank by cruel and vindictive university policy? Fear not! The staff at CU Nooz have assembled a step-by-step guide on how to find your…
DAY HALL—Weeks of strikes have culminated in a landmark agreement between Cornell University and the United Auto Workers Local 2300 that addresses dozens of the union’s demands, including higher wages, expanded benefits, and access to a popular carbonated soft drink. While this new contract will no doubt improve the lives of the University’s employees, Cornell’s…
MORRISON DINING—Interim President Michael Kotlikoff was spotted Saturday staffing Toni Morrison Dining Hall, as services across campus continue to function at a limited capacity due to the ongoing UAW workers’ strike. His presence prompted speculation from students, faculty, and striking workers alike– was he simply posturing as an everyman, or mounting a proverbial attack on…
As the newly appointed president of Cornell University, I know I have many challenges coming my way. With tensions rising across college campuses, I have to act quickly. That is why the absolute most important thing for me to do on the first day on the job is to brainstorm a new theme year. I…
MORRISON DINING—In just their first week on campus, freshmen have been subjected to unsavory dining hall food due to the ongoing strike of Cornell Dining workers. In response, many of these new students and their parents have taken to social media to express their frustrations. One student, however, doesn’t seem to mind the new dining…
PHILLIPS HALL—As artificial intelligence advances at breakneck pace, the race to create a truly sentient digital being, capable of thinking, working, and irreversibly blurring the line between man and machine, has rapidly approached its conclusion. Surprising everyone, a group of Cornell engineers has managed to create the first fully sentient automaton, which they call Robot…
BIG RED BARN—Let’s face it, college can be hard. And on a high-pressure campus like Cornell’s, it can be challenging for students to admit they’re struggling. Historically, attempts to cope with such failures have ranged anywhere from heavy drinking to, in dire cases, getting really into rock climbing. But in recent years, graduating seniors are…
OLIN LIBRARY—After a semester of achieving “maximal academic efficiency” by consuming all his lectures at fast pace and high pitch, Freddy Fedderman ‘26 was surprised to find that his study habits had left him talking in double-time. Though Fedderman’s condition has been observed before, with a notable uptick during the Holiday Season from those who…
