ITHACA, NY — Numerous students across campus reported being really psyched over the prospect of “exploring” New York City, literally one of the most visited places in the world, over fall break.
“New York City is a soul-sucking dementor of a place. It always smells of garbage, the subway stations are covered in a thick layer of filth, the nastiness of which can only be matched by the attitudes of its residents. I absolutely cannot wait to move there after graduation and become one of them,” reported senior Brandon Madison.
“I’m going to New York City, or as the natives call it ‘the city,’ over fall break but I’m not going to do all the typical touristy things, you know? Times Square is played out, all of my selfies will feature locations like the premier underground chocolatier restaurant Max Brenner’s, unknown New York pizza gems like Grimaldi’s and this new cool burger place called Shake Shack. Who knows, I might even go to Brooklyn!” said sophomore Linda Baker.
Meanwhile, Long Island and Westchester residents were quick to remind everyone that they’re basically from the city. Some even went so far as to claim that they live closer to the city than the people of Brooklyn and Queens, a claim that a brief rendez-vous with Wikipedia will disprove considering that both boroughs are actually in the city.