Op-Ed: Dude…Look at My Hands

This April 20th, people everywhere are discussing the future of marijuana legalization. I myself am a firm supporter of the cause and I raise my fist in defiance of…uh…of…hey man, have you seen my hands? Like, oh my god, dude. Look at my hands. Look at my fucking hands. They’re so, like, complex.

Shit, where was I? Oh, right, aside from the many positive medical effects, marijuana’s psychological eff… have my hands always had this much skin? Oh, dude. I can’t even comprehend… just… And there’s muscles and bones inside. And like… I can move them, and pick stuff up with them. They’re so powerful and stuff, you know? Like, check it. That Cheeto is on the floor, right? Boom. Now it’s in my hand. That’s like…


What was I talking about? Was I talking about something? Dude, do you see my hand though? Like…I’m really seeing my hand. Oh my god. I can see myself, in myself. It’s like a mirror…but…it’s also a hand. Jesus Christ, this is awesome.

Hold up. Drop everything. Huge news. Look at my foot.

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