New Collegetown Restaurant Already Closing

DRYDEN—Citing high rent costs and low demand, Collegetown’s newest restaurant will close immediately following opening day.

“It’s been quite a run getting the ingredients needed to make our would-be-famous pizza, but unfortunately, I think our time here in Collegetown is done,” said owner Botswana Capri-Sun at the restaurant’s joint grand opening and going out of business ceremony.

Collegetown eateries are notoriously short-lived, but Capri-Sun has shattered the previous record of one month with his potential restaurant that doesn’t have a name yet and never will.

“I was so excited to have a new place to get bubble tea,” said Chester Tiddyson ‘20, “or was it pizza? Anyway, it was good while it lasted.”

A developer has already announced plans to buy the vacant space, only to immediately back out of the deal.

Like This!