Students Hold Candlelight Vigil For Beautiful Asian Women Lost to Relationships With Busted-Looking White Guys

HO PLAZA—In response to recent tragedies surrounding stunning Asian women entering romantic relationships with ugly white men, students are hosting a candlelight vigil for the women lost to these tragic events.

“It’s so heartbreaking to watch as my sisters are stolen from us,” said Jennifer Lin ‘23, holding back tears. “I recently lost my best friend Melissa Nguyen to some Gollum-looking dude named Alec McDonald. One moment everything was fine, and the next she was telling me how beautiful blue eyes are and how cute mixed race babies are. Please Alec if you get this message, stop the madness. Bring our Melissa home.”

The vigil brought out thousands of mourners and supporters from across campus, including those not part of the Asian community.

“I don’t know any of these women personally, I’m just a concerned citizen,” said Jack Brown ‘22. “I was so inspired witnessing the Asian community come together in support of this cause and I figured I come out here to support. Plus there are tons of gorgeous Asian women at this event in need of emotional support, so that definitely works to my advantage.”

As of press time, the next candlelight vigil has been canceled due to reports of more Asian women being swooned into relationships by hideous white guys while at the vigil.

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