HIPAA Hip Hooray? Therapist Gives You Coy Little Wink While Standing In CTB Line

COLLEGETOWN BAGELS—The many patrons of Collegetown Bagels were made unknowing witnesses to a masterful display of proper patient privacy procedure by Cornell Health therapist Dr. Lynn Dravis this Thursday. While standing in the restaurant’s famous and extensive line, Dr. Dravis discretely and purposefully winked towards her patient, Ken Pollmer ‘24, communicating an entire doctrine’s worth of information concerning confidentiality with one simple facial movement .

“I mean, what a professional,” said Pollmer. “I saw Dr. Dravis and just froze up. I didn’t know what to do: A quiet hello? Run and hide? Fist bump? I was out of my element. With one small movement, she said it all,” explained Pollmer. “‘I see you, I hear you, and I understand you,’ it was just like one of our sessions.” 

As Pollmer sat down to eat his panini, Dr. Dravis made a casual stroll past him, taking a seat at an adjacent table, back to back with Pollmer. Flipping open a copy of The Daily Sun to cover her face, Dr. Dravis was not seen speaking to Pollmer. During the time when Pollmer appeared to all outside observers to be talking to himself, Dr. Dravis was also not heard asking Pollmer for a bite of his sandwich, nor was she witnessed leaning down behind the newspaper and over her left shoulder to sneak a bite of said sandwich.

“Whatever do you mean?” replied Dr. Dravis when questioned about her earlier interaction. “I don’t know anybody here, and I certainly would never make any kind of attempt to cleverly signal them in such an intelligent manner,” continued Dr. Dravis whilst writing the words ”we’ve been made” on a piece of looseleaf paper, crumpling it up, and throwing it at the back of Pollmer’s head.

At press time, Dr. Dravis had been poached  by another university that hires good therapists and replaced with someone half as qualified and twice as apathetic.

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