“And If By Accident, We Should Ever Pass On The Street, Please Don’t Recognize Me,” Orientation Leader Gives Final Piece Of Advice

RAWLINGS GREEN—After an emotional week of preparation and group bonding, Orientation Leader Maxim Greenwald ‘24 gave one last instruction to his Orientees, that they should never speak to him again. Though Greenwald had spent the last week teaching the group all about the ins and outs of campus life, he knew that his final piece of wisdom was the most valuable.

“It is imperative that you and I never once interact again,” explained Greenwald, detailing the long standing social contract entered into by O-Week Leaders and those they have oriented. “If we make eye contact, look away. If you wave at me, I’ll be looking behind me to see who’s there. And if you say my name, well I have a very common name.” 

As the group finished their final lunch together, a somber mood replaced their once sugary-sweet dynamic. What had previously been fun and games would now be avoiding one another’s gaze in the line for Rusty’s Cafe. Following this meal, Maxim and his students, who had once been one another’s sole connections on campus, would become nothing but mere ships passing drunkenly in the night. 

“It’s definitely mixed feelings for me,” stated Rania Leitner ‘27. “On the one hand, Maxim is the only person I know on campus with any idea how to get to Target, which is pretty helpful. But on the other, I can’t quite look at him the same after we ran into each other while he puked behind a frat annex.”

“Though this is the end of our time together, I am not saddened,” concluded Greenwald. “This is because I do not like you very much. And if I’ve done my job right, you’ll feel the same way.” 

Like This!