O-Week – CU Nooz

Headlines

Local Sicko Runs for Campus Villain Position
3 days ago3 days ago
OpaVote? Hell Yeah, I Love Gangnam Style!
4 days ago4 days ago
“Then Came Locusts, Vermin, and Wild Beasts!” Says Review of Collegetown Apartment
5 days ago5 days ago
CU Nooz Editorial Board Endorses John McNair (Sophomore, Forest Hills High School) for Model UN Secretary General
6 days ago6 days ago
Cornell Outdoor Education Lends Tents, Tarps to Admitted Students
1 week ago1 week ago
“It’s Been the Best Four Years of My Life!” Admitted Student Tour Guides Notably Excluded From Freedom of Speech Protections
1 week ago1 week ago

OP-ED: Dear Freshmen, that Twenty-Person O-Week Friend Group is Much Cooler Than You and If You Don’t Have Best Friends Yet, Just Give Up Trying

OP-ED: Dear Freshmen, that Twenty-Person O-Week Friend Group is Much Cooler Than You and If You Don’t Have Best Friends Yet, Just Give Up Trying

Nooz Staff8 months ago8 months ago03 mins

RUTH BADER GINSBURG HALL—Freshies, the first week of college is tough—college-living is a huge transition! If you’re feeling worried about the multitude of first-year frights—homesickness, courseload, dining hall food—you should probably add yet another anxiety to that list: the fact that you don’t have any friends while every single person around you has already found…

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“And If By Accident, We Should Ever Pass On The Street, Please Don’t Recognize Me,” Orientation Leader Gives Final Piece Of Advice

“And If By Accident, We Should Ever Pass On The Street, Please Don’t Recognize Me,” Orientation Leader Gives Final Piece Of Advice

Nooz Staff8 months ago8 months ago03 mins

RAWLINGS GREEN—After an emotional week of preparation and group bonding, Orientation Leader Maxim Greenwald ‘24 gave one last instruction to his Orientees, that they should never speak to him again. Though Greenwald had spent the last week teaching the group all about the ins and outs of campus life, he knew that his final piece…

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Uncategorized

11th Plague of Egypt Descends Upon Command Strip Section of Bed Bath & Beyond

Nooz Staff5 years ago02 mins

BED BATH AND BEYOND—Ithaca’s own Bed Bath & Beyond was struck this past week by a new, never-before-seen curse from the heavens above. This eleventh plague wreaked havoc on the aisles dedicated to command strips as well as their off-brand alternatives. “It was horrifying, I’d never seen anything like it,” said Cashier Josephine Selter “So…

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Martha Pollack Reads The Very Hungry Caterpillar to Students at Orientation

Martha Pollack Reads The Very Hungry Caterpillar to Students at Orientation

Nooz Staff7 years ago02 mins

DAY HALL—To foster loving relationships with those on campus before the semester begins, President Martha Pollack has decided to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar to students at Orientation. “Reading books with wholesome themes to our young ones encourages academic excellence and teaches mutual respect,” explained Pollack with a nurturing and patient smile. “Someday, they will…

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Cornell Announces Worst Member of Class of 2020

Cornell Announces Worst Member of Class of 2020

Nooz Staff8 years ago8 years ago02 mins

DICKSON HALL — A month into fall semester, the Worst Student of the Class of 2020 has officially been announced as James Romm, selected from over over 3200 students of this year’s freshmen. “We are pleased to reveal that, after locking himself out of his dorm room twice in one week, James Romm is now…

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Freshmen Waiting for School Bell To Go Off After Lecture

Freshmen Waiting for School Bell To Go Off After Lecture

Nooz Staff8 years ago8 years ago02 mins

GOLDWIN-SMITH HALL — At the end of their first class of the day, students in Professor Stuart Davis’ Freshman Writing Seminar waited an extra ten minutes past 11:00 for the school bell to ring and signal dismissal to go to next period’s class. “Are they broken today?” asked Stuart Frye ’20, tapping his #2 pencil…

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Professor Selling Signed Copies of Own Fluid Mechanics Textbook

Professor Selling Signed Copies of Own Fluid Mechanics Textbook

Nooz Staff8 years ago8 years ago02 mins

CORNELL STORE — Sitting outside on Ho Plaza with a stack of books and a pen at the ready, Chemical Engineering professor David Ernst is offering students signed copies of his self-published book, “Fundamentals of Fluid Mechanics and Magnetohydrodynamics.” “I’m trying to generate a lot of buzz about this book,” said Dr. Ernst, “so I’ve…

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Freshman Ready for Adult Responsibilities Just Months After Asking Permission to Use Bathroom

Freshman Ready for Adult Responsibilities Just Months After Asking Permission to Use Bathroom

Nooz Staff8 years ago8 years ago02 mins

MEWS HALL – After arriving on campus and bidding tear-filled goodbyes to her parents, incoming Cornell freshman Danielle Fischer ‘20 allegedly considered herself ready to take on major responsibilities, just a few months after needing to ask her high school Spanish teacher for permission to use the bathroom. “Now that I’m officially a college student,…

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Freshman From Montana Excited To Be Forever Known as Person From Montana

Freshman From Montana Excited To Be Forever Known as Person From Montana

Nooz Staff8 years ago8 years ago02 mins

MEWS HALL – Upon telling her new floormates that she was originally from Bozeman, Montana, freshman Diane Hollis ’20 is reportedly excited to be referred to as “that person from Montana” for the remainder of her collegiate career. “Hey, you must be that girl from Montana, right? Oh cool,” said a fellow Mews resident from…

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Great, Mom Already Crying

Great, Mom Already Crying

Nooz Staff8 years ago8 years ago02 mins

NORTH CAMPUS – Upon parking the family’s light blue Town & Country near Mews Hall, the mother of incoming freshman Tricia Duvan ’20 was reportedly, great, already crying over the idea of leaving her only daughter in this new and strange college environment without her mother by her side. “Oh, my sweet, sweet daughter! Just…

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