Nooz Staff August 20, 2016

Freshman Ready for Adult Responsibilities Just Months After Asking Permission to Use Bathroom

MEWS HALL – After arriving on campus and bidding tear-filled goodbyes to her parents, incoming Cornell freshman Danielle Fischer ‘20 allegedly considered herself ready to take on major responsibilities, just a few months after needing to ask her high school Spanish teacher for permission to use the bathroom.

“Now that I’m officially a college student, I’m ready to tackle all of the obligations that come with adulthood,” said the naïve eighteen-year-old, who still doesn’t know how to boil water or do her laundry.

“Finally, no parents to tell me to do my homework or clean my room. I can handle it all on my own now, along with all of the other responsibilities that I’ll have as a college student. I’m so excited to be all grown up now!”

Later that evening Fischer was seen asking her RA if she was allowed to leave the dorm for the evening, promising that she would be back by 11 and would finish her essay before tomorrow.

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