SPIRIT HALLOWEEN—One lying cunt notoriously stands out among the student body as the absolute fakest, nastiest bitch to crawl the earth. This fugly, complete skank was shopping for a slutty Halloween disguise when she was spotted strutting right past the devil horn section to snatch a fluffy angel halo from the hands of an innocent child.
“An angel couldn’t be further from her true self. You never know which personality you’re talking to,” described Lilith Doan ‘25, who despises her shape-shifting proclivities. “This two-faced, double-dealing, hollow-souled, backstabbing wench dons a mask every day to cover up the fact that she crawled her way up from the seventh circle of hell.”
Her double life has earned her an unforgettable title: the Wicked Witch of West Campus. Aside from cheating in every relationship, the self-proclaimed empath also cheated her way through the entirety of PSYCH 2750: Intro to Personality.
Will angel wings and the sheer lack of coverage reveal a genuinely graceful demeanor buried underneath a veil of utter bullshit and constant lies? The bitch seemed oblivious to her already demonic reputation and didn’t hesitate to comment. “Costume-wise, I was thinking Pocahontas to channel the spirit of my great-great-grandmother twice removed, but then
CoStar told me that, as a Gemini, I should sometimes embrace my good, divine side.”
Tired of pondering her peer’s phony persona, Lilith sighed, “But, I digress. If she dresses up as the devil’s incarnate, it wouldn’t really be a costume, now would it?”
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