KENNEDY HALL—Fresh out of vibrantly-colored stickers to slap on his face, Peter Tripe ‘25 was facing the utter embarrassment of going outside with a single pimple on his forehead. Fortunately, Tripe was able to deftly avoid disaster by turning himself into a clown.
“God I looked ridiculous,” said Tripe, his lips painted green. “This morning I mean. Luckily, I put on the facepaint and fixed everything. I get so self-conscious about pimples, knowing everybody is staring at me,” Tripe continued, pausing to readjust his red rubber nose. “It’s such a relief to make it go away. It’s like I never even had acne, like a normal person!”
When another student asked Tripe if he thought that the giant purple diamonds he had painted around his eyes might actually attract more attention than the pimple would have, Tripe expertly defended his decision; reaching into his pocket for a pair of chattering wind-up dentures, Tripe attached them to the ear of the non-believer, scaring them off.
Tripe has become well versed at avoiding all sorts of critical faux pas. After accidentally dropping his pencil in lecture, he acted quickly to deploy his hidden banana peel before leaping brashly from his lecture seat. Tripe took a fall so gut-busting, he had to be carried out by two highly trained Orangutans with a stretcher. A master at his craft, nobody in Tripe’s row of seats even thought to try and pick up the fallen pencil, sparing him the crushing shame of having to thank them.
“I’ve always felt like the stickers weren’t distracting enough,” commented Anya King ‘26. “Everyone still knows that I’ve got a grotesque pimple under the pretty star. With Peter’s new cover-up technique, you can’t see any of his actual face at all! Maybe people won’t even realize I have acne; they might just think I look like this on purpose!”
Having received a replacement shipment of Starface Hydro-Stars™, Tripe has gone back to using the stickers. He claims that he knew they were working as intended when others told him that he “still looked like a clown.”
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