Tag Archives: Elections

SA Candidate Takes Middle Urinal to Maximize Exposure to Voters

WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL —In an effort to form as many meaningful relationships with his peers as possible, Xavier Thomas ‘19, who is running for Student Assembly Executive Undergraduate Vice Representative At-Large, unzipped his trousers and took the middle urinal in an effort to maximize voter exposure. “Hey man, what are Read More

Ben Carson Mysteriously Appears on Student Assembly Ballot

WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL — After dropping out of the race for the Republican nomination, retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson inexplicably showed up on the Cornell Student Assembly ballot earlier today. “When I logged on to vote, I saw Ben Carson’s shining face staring at me,” said Alex Li ‘19. “I refreshed Read More