Denice Cassaro Sends 4,000 Word Drunken Rant To Students

Student’s were shocked to find a 4,000-word, multi-colored rant in their mailboxes Monday morning. The email, sent around 4:00am, was written by Denice Cassaro, Cornell’s ‎Associate Director for Student Leadership, Engagement and Campus Activities. Cassaro is most well known for sending weekly emails to freshman listing campus and community activities.

Although CU Nooz was not fortunate enough to garner a copy of the email—updates soon to come—sources have explained that the email, written entirely in comic sans, broke down into an incoherent mass of text in which Cassaro admonished students for not participating in community events, addressed the relationship with her father who refused to play board games with her as a child, and described a popular episode of her favorite series, Friends.

As in previous emails, Cassaro began the email with a famous quote by Eleanor B. Roosevelt. Denice Cassaro could not be reached nor found for comment at the time of this posting.

Like This!