CU Nooz’s Guide to Slope Day

With Slope Day, Cornell’s end of Spring semester celebration and concert, coming on Thursday, it’s best to know what you’re getting into. CU Nooz is here to prepare you as best as possible for the day’s festivities.

  • Tank tops are a Slope Day must, as they expose as much of your arms and shoulders as possible to sunburn.
  • Choose wisely between a spot up close to the stage where you will be trampled by fellow concert-goers and a spot farther back where Ludacris won’t be able to breathe on you.
  • Don’t crash too early! If you don’t go to sleep, it will be Slope Day forever!
  • Don’t forget to pick up your wrist band to get on to the slope. This gives you access to all future Slope Days, so never take it off.
  • Remember, Slope Day isn’t about drinking as much as possible. It’s about out-drinking Sarah’s new boyfriend Ken. Fucking Ken, he doesn’t even know what he has.
  • Wear good shoes.
  • There are no classes on Slope Day this year, so your last opportunity to go to class drunk will be on Wednesday.
  • It’s dangerous to try to do all of your drinking before getting to the slope, so bring a flask or two with you to spread it out over the course of the day. It’s probably fine.
  • Bury a bottle of rum on the slope. Dig it up in 15 years and it will have aged nicely.
  • You will be busy all day Thursday, so schedule any important meetings for first thing Friday morning.
  • If you don’t know the lyrics to a song, just leave. You’re embarrassing yourself.
  • Slope Day is the last party of the year—for you seniors, it may be the last party of college. It may be the last real fun you ever have. Cherish your youth and make sure you have a blast!

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