Cornell Quietly Finishes Tagging Students for the New World Order

BENEATH THE LAW SCHOOL — The Overseers’ Council convened in a secret meeting chamber beneath the Law School to confirm that their project to tag all the students for an easier assimilation into the New World Order was a resounding success.

Project leader and Illuminati member Denice Cassaro says, “The project went off almost without a hitch. We have tagged around 12,000 students over the course of the week. Now, everything else will fall into place.” The tags were distributed starting this Monday at a number of locations throughout campus. At times, students were even seen lining up to participate in this dystopian project.

Cassaro reclined in her high-backed chair topped by the all-seeing eye and let out a bone-chilling, emotionless laugh. “It was all too easy. We offered them an iPad and an old, washed-up artist and they queue up for their own downfall. Sheep. They’re all brainless, worthless sheep.” Cassaro puffed on a cigar before returning her attention to a gripping game of chess between herself and President Skorton.

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