March 8, 2017

Lacrosse Team Announces Record Number of Players Named “Griff”

SCHOELLKOPF FIELD –– Ahead of the 2017 spring campaign, Varsity Lacrosse Head Coach Matt Kerwick announced in a press conference that this year’s team has an unprecedented number of players with the name “Griff.”

“Griff, Griffith, Griffin, Griffyn, and Griffen are all integral members of the team,” said Coach Kerwick. “We would be at a serious disadvantage if we replaced them with Larrys or Oscars or Gabriels.”

Coach Kerwick, acknowledging the inconvenience of differentiating between all of the Griffs, noted, “It’s actually pretty easy to tell them apart by their different shades of long blond hair, preferred visor angle, and style of Vineyard Vines shirt.”

“The other day in practice, Griffyn had a sick pass to Griph, who swung it to Griffith for the goal,” reported midfielder Brody “Griff” Stevens ’18, who also noted that locker room stokedness has never been higher.

The Griffs can be seen around campus cradling their lacrosse sticks, intermittently whispering “bro” at unsuspecting passersby.

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