OP-ED: Will You Be My Best Friend for the Next Four Years?

By an incoming freshman

Hey guys! My name is Owen and I’m in the Cornell University Class of 2021! Just thought I’d introduce myself before move-in. I’m hoping to make a new friend or two, or maybe actually find my best friend who will stick with me for the next four years and then for the rest of our lives.

I’m in the College of Engineering, so if you wanna talk about calculus hmu, or if math isn’t your thing that’s totally cool too! Just looking for a buddy to lean on when Cornhell gives us hell (get it guys?). I’ll probably be spending weekends at the RPCC, which is where everyone hangs out for those of you who don’t know yet.

Or if you’re more into hanging out in your room and playing video games, that works too! Just trying to find the guy I’ll mention in all those crazy college stories I tell my kids about someday. Or you could be a girl, that works too! In that case, I’d be looking for a totally platonic friendship but we could hook up sometimes if you’re feeling it, of course, and then probably date senior year and get married after college.

Anyway, I’m really looking forward to the nightlife at Dunbar’s. I mean, work hard, play hard, am I right? I’m always down for a good time. So if you’re the kind of party person who’s looking to have fun and get litty but like, not too turnt so we can still have deep conversations, lmk and we should definitely exchange numbers, Snapchats, Instas, Twitter handles, home addresses, and social security numbers!

Also FYI, I’m planning to rush a fraternity in the spring. I actually know a lot about Cornell student life because my dad plays squash with this guy whose nephew Johnny is going to be a senior at Cornell University’s College of Agriculture and Life Sciences, so I can say the 3-to-1 female/male ratio deal is legit. So like, hmu if you want to hang! +1 (631) 327-7225