Tag Archives: Freshman

Freshman Gives Up On Losing Virginity After Failing to Hook Up During O-Week

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MEWS HALL– After failing to hook up during his first weekend of college, Freshman Jonny Waters is convinced that he will never fulfill his dream of losing his virginity and will therefore remain celibate for the rest of his life. “I went to a ton of parties, met some girls, Read More

Admitted Student Uses AP Credit to Graduate Last Spring

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LARKSPUR, COLORADO — Recently admitted student Jacob Gerritsen was excited to graduate last Spring after using the 32 AP exams he took in high school, placing him out of every class in his Economics major. “Honestly, I was kind of hoping to actually take some classes, but I guess this Read More