Campus Excited For Student Assembly To Become Irrelevant Again

WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—Yesterday’s announcement that Varun Devatha ‘19 will be the next Student Assembly president brought a tumultuous election cycle to an end, leaving students eager to return to the days of ignoring all news related to the Student Assembly.

“First there was the whole Cornell Cinema debacle, and now this convoluted presidential election fiasco that started over a meme or something? I can’t keep up,” said Karin Mulpin ‘19. “Before this year, I thought all these people did was talk about 2-ply toilet paper.”

Many students expressed confusion over the puzzling bylaws and multiple stakeholders involved in confirming the election of a body that typically has a negligible effect on student life.

“I miss the good old days when I didn’t know the name of a single SA member, and I’m excited to go back to that,” said Blake Ringer ‘20. “The most interaction I ever had with the Student Assembly was taking a candidate’s quarter card that I promptly threw in the nearest garbage can.”

Despite the controversy surrounding his upcoming term of office, Devatha plans on using the increased media attention to push forward his campaign promises of free pornography and zero tuition for students.

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