GOLDWIN SMITH HALL — With the midterm elections fast approaching, I took it upon myself, as an informed citizen and registered voter, to encourage my friends to register as well. Unfortunately, my well-intentioned plan to increase youth turnout this November backfired when I accidentally convinced my friend Janice to register without realizing she was actually a Republican.
I thought I could trust Janice to protect a woman’s right to choose because she had an “Ithaca is Gorges” laptop sticker, but after she called our friend mutual friend John a “liberal cuck” when he shared a video of Christine Blasey Ford’s testimony on Facebook, I realized I had made a grave mistake.
It would’ve been easy to find out what her political leanings were. All I had to do was walk into her dorm room and I would’ve noticed the rack full of red “MAGA” hats and Kanye’s last two albums on her desk. Now, the keys to our democracy lie in the hands of a woman who just yesterday referred to NFL players as “ungrateful thugs.”
With midterm season fast approaching, I’d like to encourage everyone to get out there and vote! Unless you disagree my political beliefs, in which case you and your deplorable friends can all stay home.