CORNELL HEALTH—Despite a valiant effort to keep morale high, the goofy posters of wellness memes Cornell Health has been hanging up just are not going to get it done at the moment.
“I totally understand they’re doing their best to keep everyone’s spirits up,” said Ramash Miraja ‘22. “But when I get an email from Ryan Lombardi telling me just how many people are dying out in Washington I kind of need more than a ‘Keep Calm and Cornell On’ poster.”
The nursing staff at Cornell Health have taken a different perspective, as they abandon all duties not directly related to harvesting the dankest of health memes.
“It’s really keeping us going, since we know that otherwise we’re pretty much screwed six ways to Sunday,” commented Katie Klein, RN. “If Covid does make its way to Cornell, due to its insane infectiousness and lack of vaccination, we’re largely fucked living in such an enclosed community. Good thing is, we’ll all go down laughing at grumpy cat complaining about people not washing their hands.”
As morale dwindles, the healthcare professionals tasked with caring for the Cornell community have decided to triage walk in cases, and wait times have skyrocketed. The bright side: the waiting room looks like the trending page of the Wholesome Memes subreddit, and sometimes there’s candy!