IVES HALL – Last Monday Professor Ponsé released the first homework assignment for “MLM 1110: Genius Business Ideas and Totally Not Illegal Marketing Schemes”: enrolling 10 other students in the class.
“Professor Ponsé is a genius,” proclaimed blissfully obtuse freshman Lulu Row. “During the first class she explained that businesses are really just about friendships. Meeting people, making friends, selling knockoff creams and skincare products to your friends, and dumping friends who don’t buy your knockoff creams and skincare products. She really opened my eyes up to the possibilities of exploitative new business practices. Imagine how much money I could make if I sold something else super cool and totally not a scam like cryptocurrency!”
Of the 50 students enrolled in the course on the first day, 43 of them successfully completed the first assignment and enlisted 10 other friends in MLM 1110, 6 students dropped the course, and 1 student dropped and then added the class 10 times claiming that he represented 10 new enrollments. Professor Ponsé was so impressed by his innovative approach to her assignment that she set aside a week of classes in March for him to teach his method to the class.
“I wasn’t sure about this class when I saw it on course roster last semester,” explained Stephanie Arbonne who enrolled in MLM 1110 at the behest of Row. “But as soon as Lulu told me that if I enrolled I would get a free fitness supplement, and that for every 10 people I enrolled my grade in the course would go up one percentage point. And if the people I enrolled got someone else to enroll, my grade would go up two percentage points! This is such a great idea for a grading system, I can’t believe Professor Ponsé was the first to think of it!”
Professor Ponsé’s grade incentive was so successful that by last Thursday every Dyson student was enrolled in MLM 1110.