MCGRAW HALL- Rumors of the one true ally echoed across the Arts quad on Monday morning following a notable session of FGSS 2040: History of Feminism. Among the sea of dull and uninteresting women, Brandon Sikes ’24 shined.
“It was so impressive,” exclaimed Becca Jensen ’23. “He nodded right through that whole lecture. All through the teachings of Audrey Lord, Angela Davis, and Gloria Steinem, that head was dipping and ducking with the best of ‘em.”
Attempting to replicate Brandon’s innovation, Professor Pearyer nodded in agreement. “Nobody understands my lessons like Brandon. While each of my female students shared their unique insights and interpretations of the assigned readings and lectures, Brandon demonstrated his stellar comprehension of feminism with a slight inclination of his head. So simple yet so brilliant.”
In the following days, the Cornell Store announced their intent to produce a commemorative bobblehead in honor of Brandon, who has since earned the nickname “the Malala of Cornell.”
When reached for comment on these accolades, Brandon put down his copy of the Vagina Monologues and said “It’s an honor to be praised by my fellow humans or should I say huwomans. I am blessed to be able to speak for those who can’t speak for themselves because everyone is too busy listening to me.”
When asked if he had a message for the female students of Cornell, Brandon’s tone turned somber. “As a man I know better than anyone how sexism can affect the mental health of college women. If there are any 5’4 double D women out there who are feeling vulnerable because of the sexist culture on this campus, my door is always open to talk. Between the hours of 1 and 3 am of course.”