Body Positivity Win! Friend With Messed Up Dong Finally Finds Love

EDDY STREET- A group of friends was pleasantly surprised early Tuesday evening when their roommate arrived home with a young woman whom he introduced as his girlfriend. Fred Michaels, ‘23, astonished his roommates when he brought home Kendall, his lab partner, whom he had recently begun dating.

“It was a total shock,” said Kyle Jones, who is Fred’s best friend, “As long as I’ve known him, Fred struggled with finding a lover. He’s had really bad luck in the love department, probably because his dick is so weird.”

Reports indicate that this is Michaels’s first substantive relationship since he started college.

“I was very happy to see Fred with someone he genuinely likes,” remarked Robert Moore, who has been roommates with Michaels since they were freshmen, “I mean I saw it once when he was changing and that’s something I’ll never be able to forget. But, hey, if she can see past his fucked up peen, she’s gotta be a keeper.”

Sources close to the situation shared similar sentiments, expressing their support for Michaels and his pursuit of romantic bliss. 

“He’s always been a good sport about his misshapen member. He makes a lot of self-deprecating jokes about how curved and thick it is or how his cock is a Lovecraftian horror,” said Kevin Charles, “so it’s really wonderful to see him so confident and in love.” 

Although early reports indicate that the relationship between Fred and Kendall is off to a strong start, there has been no confirmation that the two have been physically intimate yet.

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