Clock Tower Scaffolding Set to Swallow Sun, Desecrate All that is Holy

Alas! Martha Pollack hath revealed the purpose behind the ever-growing clocktower scaffolding. The construction shall never end so long as the sun still shines and the Cayuga lake runs blue of water and not red of blood. In an official statement on Monday, Pollack restated her commitment to the end of days cause. 

“The scaffolding shall touch the sky, from which the stars shall fall,” explained an glowing eyed, levitating Pollack. “Thus the earth will rumble and the livestock will perish far faster than the meats class can kill it.” The student reaction to the devilish press conference proved to be lukewarm at best. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah all this talk of great earthquakes occurring and the waters rising above the mountains,” Andrew Mercer ’25 skeptically disclosed. “I’m taking environmental science and we learned all of that apocalyptic shit in lecture weeks ago.” 

While students remain unconcerned regarding the impending apocalypse, many continue to take issue with the construction on Ho Plaza. 

As one student stated, “The sky may be falling but I’ll be damned if I have to take the long way around the clock tower.” 

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