Burden of One Thousand Stones: Class Project Group Includes Athletes

GATES HALL—Group projects are crucial educational tools for building skills of collaboration, critical thinking, and problem-solving for students across the classroom. But for Jamie Hanizo ‘25, this communalistic fantasy quickly became a nightmare. As he wandered into his 10:10 AM Information Science discussion at 10:09 AM, Hanizo was greeted with a horrifying sight: the student’s assigned project team included individuals listed on the Cornell Baseball roster. 

“Honestly, I was pretty excited to learn about information and, like, science or whatever,” remarked Hanizo, “but as soon as I saw two red backpacks, I broke into a cold sweat.”

Classmates reported Hanizo looking visibly frightened as he came to terms with the fact that absolutely nothing productive would be accomplished during the class period. “I felt like I was watching a puppy being sentenced to death by a jury of other puppies,” recalls classmate Shania Hernandez ‘26. “I heard him ask for their contact information, and they just made an Instagram group chat. That’s never a good sign.”

Hanizo claims that he completed the entire project in the basement of Olin library. His classmates’ contribution: editing the cover slide to place their own names in front of Hanizo’s. 

When asked for comment, Cornell Baseball coach Troy McHaven took accountability for Hanizo’s horror, stating, “I honestly thought Information Science was one of those made-up athlete classes.”

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