An Intimate Interview with President Skorton

CUNooz: It’s great to sit down with you, Supreme Leader Skorton. What do you think the administration can do to help decrease student loan burdens?

David Skorton (DS): What? (puts on glasses) Who-who are you? How did you get into my house?!?

CUNooz: Ha! That’s what we like to hear. So those new nets have caused quite a stir on campus haven’t they?

DS: Well, we believe that they are the optimal preventative measure-wait why am I even-I’m calling the police.

CUNooz: Good one! Always the jokester… we’ve disconnected your phone line!

DS: My cell phone then.

CUNooz: Smashed to bits! (laughs) Anyway your royal Skortness, how do you think students entering the job market next year can handle the pressure of-

Robin Davisson (Spouse of DS): David?? What’s all that noise? I told you no snacks after midnight!

DS: Honey, go back to sleep!

RD: Who’s there? I hear voices? Is it muggers?

DS: No it’s some journalists, wait-

CUNooz: Technically we’d be burglars, not muggers.

DS: You need to leave.

CUNooz: Awww. Skortiiieee. But why?

DS: You broke into my house at 3 A.M.

CUNooz: Wait just one more question?

DS: (sigh) Fine.

CUNooz: Have you met Obama? Can we have a fall slope day? Do you shave your head because it looks cool or because your balding?

DS: Yes, No, and both.

CUNooz: Thanks for your time Skortster. No further questions.

DS: I hate my job.

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