Cornell to Offer Course on How to Pronounce Sesquicentennial

ITHACA, NY – This coming fall, a new course that will only be offered once will teach students what exactly the word “sesquicentennial” means. The university has been liberally using this mysterious term for three years now, since the class of 2015 began their freshman year, cryptically targeting these now junior students. Day Hall has had thousands of phone calls from parents since, some grateful to have their child honored as a sesquicentennial, others horrified that such bigotry still exists, and four accusing Cornell President David Skorton of attempted cannibalism.

“It’s time we all find out what we have really meant this whole time,” said President Skorton this week.

The course will be solely focused on pronunciation of  the word for the first few weeks, then will transition into distinguishing it from other similar words such as Susquehanna and Sasquatch. Finally, students will learn the meaning of “sesquicentennial” and explore issues of being sesquicentennial in the 21st Century.

“If there’s one thing I want students to know,” said Skorton, “it’s that you are part of loving community. It’s okay to be sesquicentennial.”

Above: Skorton enjoys a plate of freshly baked sesquicentennial.

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