Seeking to Cultivate Bad-Boy Image, Skorton Smokes Within 10ft of Vent Intake

WITHIN 10FT OF DAY HALL — “Yeah, you know, I just don’t really care anymore,” said David Skorton as he lit the cigarette he kept behind his ear within ten feet of an air vent intake. “What can I say, I’m a pretty dangerous guy.”

This incident is the most recent in a string of rebellious acts by Skorton. Over the last month, President Skorton began to act out against some rules around campus, citing a desire to “change his image” before his departure this spring. Other incidents have included failing to approve his Kronos timecard before the deadline, parading around North Campus playing loud music a half hour into quiet hours, and taking more than one piece of fruit from campus dining halls. “I’ve always wondered how my time here at Cornell will be remembered, and I was worried that people might think I was too boring, too conformist,” explained Skorton.

“People call it a lame duck stage, but I just asked myself, you know…” He paused and took a long drag on his cigarette before blowing it directly towards an air intake vent. “Why can’t it be a radical duck?”

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