Three Top Administrators to Leave This Year Probably Know Something We Don’t

DAY HALL- Many are speculating that the three high-level administrators (President David Skorton, Vice President for Student and Academic Services Susan Murphy, and Provost Kent Fuchs) that have announced that they are leaving the University this year probably know a deep, dark secret about the future of Cornell that the rest of us don’t.

“This can’t be a coincidence,” said a visibly unnerved Vice President Antonio M. Gotto while frantically packing up everything in his office.

“Skorton, Murphy, and Fuchs must be keeping something from us. There is a conspiracy here and it runs much higher than either you or I can fathom. This place must be a sinking ship and I’m getting out while I still can.”

At press time, newly appointed President Elizabeth Garrett was working on her veil of enthusiasm while preparing to run what she called “a lost cause.”

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