Cornell Named “Biggest Red”

NATICK, MASSACHUSETTS – Cornell students and administrators were excited to learn this weekend that the university had once again reclaimed its coveted title of “Biggest Red.”

The highly anticipated ranking published annually by the Princeton Review seeks to highlight those colleges which truly encompass that which is big and red, and Cornellians across campus are delighted to hear that they can continue calling themselves “The Big Red.”

When asked for comment, Julie Waters, Senior Director of Public Affairs for Cornell, said, “This title means a lot to us. Without this victory, what else would we call ourselves? ‘The Red?’”

Cornell faced tough competition for the number one spot, narrowly edging out the Stanford Cardinal and the Alabama Crimson Tide. In his justification for the rankings, Head Analyst for the poll Paul Noyten wrote, “Cornell’s continued success in this area really boils down to two things: how big they are and how red they are.”

While Cornell now has a lock on “Biggest Red”, the University now looks to acquire several more renowned titles, including “Slopiest Slope” and “Least Bang For Your Buck.”

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