Nooz Staff August 10, 2016

Svante Myrick Starting to Have Strange, New Feelings

CITY HALL – This morning, during a brief conference with the local press, Ithaca officials revealed that Svante Myrick has started noticing changes in his body, voice, and temperament which, they stressed, are entirely natural and normal for someone his age. Myrick, one of the youngest mayors in US history, seemed concerned yet optimistic at the fact that these are transitions everyone goes through, and are a part of becoming an adult.

“I appreciated being told about these changes”, said a voice-cracking Myrick during a Q&A session following the press brief, “at first I was, like, embarrassed, but I’m glad to know these things are natural, and I’m not a freak.”

The announcement came after a string of controversial decisions by Myrick, including raising his bedtime to 10PM,  putting fire decals on all city-owned vehicles, and moving Samantha the newly-hired city comptroller next to his office.

“I’ve been dreading this talk for a while” said Myrick’s flustered yet visibly relieved mother, “he seemed to really listen, and I made sure to tell him he should come to me if he has any questions.”

Sources report that though Myrick is starting to mature, he insists he’ll still continue watching Spongebob forever.

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