Cornell Students Announce Intentions to Get Drunk on Slope Day Regardless of Which Bands Are Performing

Following the announcement of MisterWives, Big Gigantic, Brasstracks, and S’natra for the 2017 Slope Day concert, students across campus have begun declaring their intentions to get drunk at Slope Day regardless of who those bands are.

“I honestly would have been fine not knowing the bands in the first place, considering I will be getting plastered on May 11th before I even make it to the slope,” said Brianna Colquitt ’18, grossly unaware of high-energy pop performances MisterWives is known for or the non-stop rocking beats to be expected from Big Gigantic. “Really, they could put a stereo blasting static for three hours and I’d have a great time being blissfully unaware of what was happening. Who cares about these bands?”

In response, to these unofficial plans, Denise Cassaro has reminded students that they could still have fun by staying sober and listening to whatever artful lyrics S’natra has managed to scrounge together.

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