November 20, 2017

Dining Hall Introduces Tasteless, Under-Spiced Version of Treasured Ethnic Cuisine

WEST CAMPUS—Last Thursday, the cooks at Hans Bethe House tried their best and offered up a flavorless take on a dish with deep cultural roots.

The dining hall staff was confident that, after about fifteen minutes of looking up empanada recipes, they could accurately deliver a cultural staple that has been perfected over generations all over the world.

“We really want students from every culture to feel at home here at Cornell,” said Dining Manager Tim Johnson. “So we thought, ‘why not give them a truly bland, uninspired taste of a cherished family tradition that makes them wish they could just go home?’”

“I really felt like I was transported to the rugged plains of one of those Spanish-speaking countries,” said Kimberly Hatch ’19, referring to the American cheese-filled pockets.

The cooks, emboldened by their recent success, are excited for next Tuesday’s treasured homage to authentic Chinese cooking with their Teriyaki Chicken Wings.

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