HO PLAZA—To the relief of many students, a recent hunger strike in response to continued government inaction on sensible gun reform has aligned perfectly with the dieting period before Spring Break.
“No matter how strict my meals were, I could never lose enough weight to get the bod I wanted. It’s much easier to squeeze into my bikini now that I’ve got a cause,” said Samantha Tinker ‘20. “I’m getting skinny for America!”
Strike organizers have expressed their distaste with protesters acting on the sole goal of losing weight before partying at an expensive resort.
“I have dedicated my entire semester to combating injustice with civil disobedience, only to see these faux activists jump in to look ‘hot’ for their Cabo instagram pics,” complained Henry Doubleday ‘18 on his fifth day of fasting. “It’s much easier to just pop a filter on your shirtless photo.”
Many of the soon-to-be spring breakers were inspired to organize a 10-mile “March Against Injustice” to burn some last minute calories before their college vacations of a lifetime.